August 27, 2011

Who says that Rednecks aren't crafty?


I mean - check out the wide array of ingenious ways they make the ordinary simply extraordinary. In Billy terms at least!

http://www.yourdailyhumor.com/index.php/featured/top-ten-reasons-to-love-rednecks/

The "flat screen" TV may be my favorite - and I have to agree w. this guy's comment, after seeing more Rent-A-Center's in billyland over the last 2 weeks. I'm convinced that place stays in business BECAUSE of hillbilly's that get excited about their brand new flat screen televisions and leather couches for "Only! 29.99 a month!" - as they leave off the fact that this is at a 39% interest rate and paid over nineteen years. Congratulations billy - you now have a $12,000 leather couch and $10,000 flat screen.

August 10, 2011

California....we got hillbillies too!


As I left my billy homeland 8 years ago expecting it to be a far cry from my new life in California, I have since come to realize one important thing... even California has hillbillies. And lots of 'em, you just have to know where to look. You can't run from redneck, people - if you got it, it's not going away just because you've left the home state. Aside from watching the Clampett's on tv, the misplaced family bumbling through their lives as hillbillies in Beverly Hills (thank you Nick at Nite), most people seem to assume the West Coast is a billy free zone. And they are absolutely wrong.

In LA it is common knowledge that the Inland Empire, aka "The 909" is our motherland of all things redneck in SoCal. There are pockets of seriously impressive levels of white trash through the San Fernando and San Bernadino valleys as well, but The 909 takes the cake. I witnessed 909'ers in full glory at an outdoor festival about 2 years ago. Our local classic rock station, 93.1 Jack FM, has a huge summer concert blowout each summer called "JackFest", with names like Billy Idol, Def Leppard, and Heart performing, and many more ridiculous artists that make you go "no WAY" when they make the announcement. There were more 40 year olds in faded, fringed Def Leppard belly shirts (men too) than I ever seen in one place in my life. And I'm pretty sure they have owned them SINCE that first concert and await patiently their annual chance to rock the shirt once again. At one point during the final encore with Def Leppard, as "Photograph" came on to screams from the crowd - I watched as one billy complete in jean shorts and 80's tee & his equally lovely wife lost their shit dancing on a retainer wall above the crowd. As they flailed around dancing, the wife reached for hubby's sleeve to get a Marlboro Red from his tucked in pack (yep rolled up in his sleeve - swear), she lost her balance and fell OFF the retainer wall and into the crowd about 20 feet below. Her husband was so entranced by his favorite jam from 1983 that he didn't even flinch, he just yelled down for her to toss his cigarettes back up. And she did. Later I saw her in a line (for more beer obviously) and asked her if she was ok, and she was thankfully, and then told me she was a 2nd grade teacher. Awesome.

Tomorrow I'm heading on a road trip up through California and into Oregon and Washington, spanning about 2 weeks total. It is my mission to find as much California redneck action as possible and document this for all the Daily Billy world to see. Days trekking through NorCal farmland and nothingness, into the odd vastness of Oregon (where I hear billies are at a whole new level) and then into Washington, I'm confident I'll find some doozies for ya'll to see. Stay tuned!

August 6, 2011

Billies love babies


Now c'mon people, if we know one universal rule to being a true redneck, it's that you must pop out at least a couple of kiddos before the age of 25. Doesn't matter if you're dating, married, your man is off to jail, you live with your parents in a 2 room trailer, you're in high school - billies LOOOOOVE having them some babies. Well, the best news is there is now a website for redneck names for children. Thank GOD.

http://www.redneckbabynames.com/browse-baby-names/100-25/

You've got your Jed's and your Bubba's and your Jim Bob's on here, but there are some real doozies that even I haven't heard of. How about a pretty lady named Faylene, or Jazznellie? I mean...

August 1, 2011

Don't forget those OPB's ya'll!


I know if you're enough of a Billy to be reading this or following The Daily Billy blog - you've got your own Billy stories to tell!

Other People's Billies is up and running and The Daily Billy wants to hear YOUR billy experiences, stories, finds... Share away folks, or I'll send Auntie Bertha after you!

Email us at dailybilly@gmail.com. And don't forget -let me know if you want to stay anonymous, have your name used, plug your own twitter/blog/FB page on your OPB, etc. We're down with OPB, ya'll!!

Billy gals and their hair!

I remember the first time I cut my hair shorter than any girl in my family dared go... to my SHOULDERS! The horror! I know.

I was about 12 years old and feeling adventurous by Midwest standards - and by the way my grandmother, aunts and cousins reacted, you would have thought I channeled Sinead O'Connor and went bald. Long hair equals pretty where I'm from, and short hair - well, it's just not pretty! And they certainly didn't let me forget it. I think my grandma's first reaction went something like "Well... it's different. So do you like it?", with a look of complete confusion on her face. Considering my earliest memories at my grandparents house is of grandma watching Dolly Parton and Crystal Gale music videos on TNN literally ALL DAY, I now get it.

PS - if you remember that TNN was the country music channel before CMT ever took off, then you know what I'm talking about folks.