Hillbilly Handfishin' definitely deserves its own show...

Set those Tivo's ya'll - Hillbilly Handfishin' premieres August 7th @ 10 p.m. on Animal Planet. Based on this promo, this show might be the best thing to happen to billies, ever. I'll certainly be tuning in!

Cut and Shoot!

From my billy'riffic, wonderful friend Christina in Texas - although she likes to claim she lives "adjacent" to the town of Cut and Shoot, TX, I'm going to give her a billy shout out regardless. I bet it's safe to assume that at least 1152 of the 1158 residents of Cut and Shoot wear Carhartt's daily, own rifles, and consider "floatin' down the river" a sport.

Cut and Shoot - welcome to the Daily Billy!

Now THIS is a wedding!

Let's gather round for yet another lovely redneck wedding. This one is an amazingly authentic hillbilly event, and it's worth waiting through every minute of the camouflaged wedding procession (to Billy Currington's "Pretty Good at Drinkin' Beer" nonetheless. Obviously.) The REAL billy goodness comes after that.... Hint - shotgun beers may top off the ceremony.

Enjoy hillbillies!

Little Billies!!

Gotta say folks, there aren't many things in the world cuter than a little Southern billy boy with manners- I melted watching watching the video of Tanner Edwards (from Texas) on the show "America's Got Talent." And the mini gent with an accent giving a shout out to his lady.... "Abby, I love you." It was all sweet & innocent until the pelvic thrusts started - but keep up the good work Lil 'Billy man Tanner!

(Tanner starts at approx 0:50 in the video)

And today in Billy news...

Any time a robber's getaway vehicle of choice is a lawnmower, and his weapon of choice is a tree limb - you know you're in Billy country.

Lawn mower getaway robber gets 18 years
By ANNA DOLIANITIS - Staff writer - email:adolianitis@aikenstandard.com

An Aiken man was sentenced to 18 years in prison Wednesday for robbing an Aiken convenience store, assaulting a store employee with a tree limb and fleeing the scene using an altered riding lawn mower as a getaway vehicle.

Ricky New, 46, of Edgefield Highway, was found guilty by a jury after about an hour of deliberation, and Judge Michael Nettles sentenced New to 18 years for armed robbery and 10 years for assault and battery, to run concurrently.

New, according to court testimony over the two-day trial, robbed the Kent's Korner convenience store on Edgefield Highway at about 5:30 a.m. on Nov. 18, demanded the money - which totaled about $300 - from the cash register, ran into a wooded area past the store and was arrested about a mile away from Kent's Korner, with his getaway lawn mower parked outside another convenience store.

The lawn mower was painted in camouflage and altered to be a more functional vehicle, with large tires, a doorbell and a fishing rod on the back.

"This story is made for Hollywood," said assistant solicitor Kip McAlister. "Unfortunately, this is real life, this happened right here (in Aiken)."

Surveillance video from the convenience store showed New entering the store with a white towel covering his face, but the two employees present at the time testified in court that they knew immediately it was him, and 911 audio recordings played for the jury indicated they knew him by name because he was a regular at the store.

The two women testified that they initially believed New was joking when he demanded the money, but he attempted to strike the store manager in the face with the limb. She lifted her arms to protect herself, and he hit her in the arm.

Defense attorney Michael Routzong said perhaps the reason that the man with a white towel on his head was not acting like Ricky New was because it may not have been him, but the manager was quick to say that his stature is unique, and she was certain it was him.

"I think the video that you watched is a pretty clear indication that he may not have been thinking clearly ... but he had a plan. It was not a good plan, it was not a plan that was likely to lead to success ... but he had a plan," Miller said.

Evidence presented by the prosecution also included the white towel, which was found on the lawn mower when New was arrested, as well as a glove that was found in the wooded area where he was last seen running from Kent's Korner.

DNA on the glove matched New's DNA, and another glove found on the lawn mower was the second in the same pair, said assistant solicitor David Miller.

The clothes that New was wearing when arrested matched those seen on the surveillance video, including a bleach stain on the right pant leg of the blue jeans.

The lawn mower was submitted as the State's exhibit No. 8 and parked in a parking space below the courthouse, where the jury was taken to view it during the trial.

Among the items found on New when he was arrested was just more than $100 - 45 singles, 10 $5 bills, and two $10 bills, according to sheriff's office investigator Chuck Cain.

In recent years, Miller said, the Aiken County Sheriff's Office has had 56 documented encounters with New, including calls made that evening about a man driving his lawn mower in the roadway without his headlights on and New standing outside Kent's Korner "harassing customers."

New's prior record includes charges such as criminal domestic violence, forgery, receiving stolen goods and burglary in South Carolina, Georgia, California and Louisiana, according to Miller.

New did not testify on his own behalf, and the defense did not call any witnesses.

New's father addressed the judge, saying that he loved his son, and that he is not a violent person, but has substance abuse issues and needs help.

In addition to his prison sentence, Judge Nettles ordered New to participate in an addiction treatment program.

Aiken County Solicitor J. Strom Thurmond Jr. said, while the getaway vehicle and parts of the trial may be comical, the crime is a serious one.

"I know that the facts of this case may give Jeff Foxworthy some new material, but I hope the verdict and substantial sentence reassures the public that this office will aggressively prosecute armed robbers, regardless of the type of weapon involved," Thurmond said.

Contact Anna Dolianitis at adolianitis@aikenstandard.com.

You know you're a Billy when...

...You own more beer koozies than wine glasses.

**Sent by a very classy lady I know, direct from her kitchen. Nice work, Lady Billy!

Down with OPB!!

As in - Other People's Billies!

Exciting news....Daily Billy is going to start an open Billy forum, Other People's Billies, asking readers for their own billy stories and finds. Whether it's a gem of a video, stories from "home", Facebook posts, voicemails, emails or blogs from billy friends/fam... All funny, fantastic Billy finds are welcome. They can be emailed to dailybilly@gmail.com.

C'mon peeps, I know I'm not the only one with stellar Billy stories to tell. Share them with the world! Down with OPB!

xox - Billy Love

Redneck Weddings!

If you haven't watched MY BIG REDNECK WEDDING on CMT, do yourself a favor - watch this show. ASAP.

A few years ago, someone in my family chose camouflage as their wedding color (seriously), and as horrified as I was by that - I do hope that only a select handful of very, very special Billies have seen wedding celebrations to the level of the CMT weddings. One of my favorites covered a white-trash-carnival-themed wedding (their own words), complete with a dunk tank full of... BEER. A self-proclaimed "Redneck Elvis" officiated the wedding. I will share many more of my favorite videos from the show down the line, but for now enjoy this lovely teenage married couple from Tennessee, getting a little bonus to their 15-minutes of fame with the local news station covering their story. Only a real Billy man would buy the wifey her own PINK RIFLE with their show earnings. Classy move.

Getting your sport on, Billy style!

We don't need no boat to go waterskiin'!!!
Or an actual lake...

Makes me proud...

A friend sent my way today - Redneck Games. Wow.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-25-best-photos-from-the-2011-redneck-games

Pretty sure I'm related to the arm pit kid too.

Billy gals heart fake tans!

There aren't many things in life a hillbilly gal loves more than a fake tan. Tanning booths are on every corner in my hometown. There is something really wrong with the fact that when I go back to visit from California in the dead of winter, complete with snow on the ground, that I'm the whitest girl in town when I arrive. Clearly all that talk about some silly thing called "skin cancer" can't keep a trashy girl from going orange. "Cause we look guuuuuuud." Yeah ya do, honey. And those shorts you're wearing in December as it snows look nice too.

Mushroom Hunting - it's a sport where I come from!

I've never been a fan of mushrooms (let's be honest people, they are fungi), yet I rarely see a mushroom in a store or restaurant without having a rush of childhood memories of mushroom hunting with my family. April & May were a highly celebrated time with my male cousins especially, who were likely going through withdrawal about the end of the REAL hunting season. The primal gene that runs through the billy blood, requiring us to hunt, find and "kill" what we eat... I'll never understand. But I still spent many spring seasons packed in the back of a pickup (what did you say about "seatbelts" - what are those?), heading out to the woods in search of mushrooms. I still vividly recall walking through the muddy ground, covered in the winter layer of crunchy leaves, carrying my cousin's grubby, filthy mushroom "handbook", bookmarked to some specific color/type of mushroom. We'd carefully walk for HOURS, and if we came home with a handful after a full day, this was considered a success. Mind you, the older cousins were clearly enjoying adult beverages through this process, so how could they really tell the difference between the super-poisonous-will-kill-you ones and the "safe" ones after a couple dozen beers. Let's just say I'm shocked we're still alive - and happy that I never ate those mushrooms!

http://www.ehow.com/how_4790116_mushroom-hunting-indiana.html

Happy huntin'!

A must have for every Billy!

Genius.

Billies need love too!

I had a brief foray into online dating and many-a-billy reached out looking for love. I guess they just saw the redneck blood pulsing through my veins, no matter how classy, cute, educated and not-from-Billyville I tried to come off in my pictures & profile. I saved a few of the doozies, in hopes of sharing these with the world someday. Now is my chance. I just wish I would have saved the full profile of the guy who listed "really fast air guitar solos" as an interest - damn.

Enjoy this gem! (Note - grammar & punctuation have been left in their full billy glory. Photo has been left off, as I hope this guy finds his other Billy half. But I promise you, it would have lived up to all of your hopes & dreams.)

INSERTNAMEHERE
I am Seeking a Woman duh
Do you drink? No
Do you want children? Prefer Not To Say
Marital Status Single
Do you do drugs? No
Profession painter, why you need ur house painted?
Do you have children? Prefer Not To Say
Education Some High School
Do you have a car? Yes!


Relationship
Intent: INSERTNAMEHERE is looking for a relationship.

Relationship History:
The longest relationship INSERTNAMEHERE has been in was over 5 years long.

Interests
long lasting tastin great less drama
fun loving kind spirit easy going
hugs kisses and 4 play all day my waywow would be nice

About Me:
i can't lie about nothin, i'm not good at it .so i don't think i'll be able to say any thing that a girl would really want to hear?i say this,cause every thing iv'e put on here don't get no mail.a'lot of look's but nothing to be reading.maybe i'm not all that huh?
i got a few dumb video's on u tube ,if you want to see what i really look like? just type in INSERTNAMEHERE ,then you can see me up to date .or i'm INSERTNAMEHERE on the face book thingamagig thing .i like friend's .like to have good time's .i'm a big guy and know how to use him .i can be for a smile and something to eat.lol feed me? and i'm your's .i'll be your best friend and lover ,i love to listen ,and love giving full body rub down's ,it's a good guitar excersize for me. i got me some money ,but i really don't like the fake people it bring's with it .i want some real living .i build thing's .nothing stop's me from doing what's right from wrong.
get at me ok ? if not good luck /.wet dream's to you all.

First Date:
We would go to raging water's .then all you can eat chines ,then the casino,will see if i can afford what to do next ,i no huh.lol

Daily Billy post #1!

Gotta admit - this really inspired me to finally start this blog. A family member's Facebook post, there really are no words:

"Just drinkin some vodka by the fire and the kids are trying to burn each other."

Yep. Home.

Hillbillies unite! It's story time!

Well folks - I have some serious love for my white trash Midwest roots, no matter how much it horrifies me from time to time. I may live in a far away place now, a far more liberal and educated land - but you can't take away those roots. I often share some amazing laughs & story time with my Midwest and Southern friends, and as they tell their own ridiculous stories and updates from "home" - it's become clear that these things need to be shared with the world. Many of my friends & fam from "back home" continue to amaze me with their billy Facebook & blog posts, and my mother and friends send me into shock and fits of laughter at the same time with their stories ala "you'll never believe it, Bobby got tasered leaving the bar last night" to "holy s*$#, guess who got knocked up, again", or the ever wonderful arrest/jail stories. C'mon people - you know the type. You grew up with 'em, you've lived next door to 'em, you call many of 'em friend/sister/brother/cousin/uncle. Hell, you were probably spawned from 'em. Let's be honest - we all love a good Billy story.

Welcome to The Daily Billy, where I will be posting daily "Billy" laughs. Some will be personal, and those names will be changed to protect said Billies. Others will be amazing Billy videos, memories, stories I hear, photos, jokes - the Billy world is our oyster. So crack a Bud Light, get yer kids out of the above ground pool in time for dinner (yesterday's walleye catch of course) and let's all gather 'round for some Hillbilly fun!